paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
