In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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