he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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