It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
