There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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