i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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