i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im part way to drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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