I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
