I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
