using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MIDGETS
????
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
