mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
