she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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