Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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