I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
