the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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