So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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