I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
