My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
