her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
