You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
