Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
