i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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