i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
