Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
