i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
