she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
