my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
