shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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