I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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