And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
