my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
