i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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