this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
