I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
