You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
