So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You are a genius and a whore.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
