the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
