I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
