I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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