I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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