so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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