i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
