need another drink. this is the easiest way
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
