I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
