he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
