I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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