You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
