Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
