she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
