The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
