the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
