I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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