Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
