i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
