I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
