But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
