what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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